I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
