I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
