Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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