Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
