The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have fence marks all over my body
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
