What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
