Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
