when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
