At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
