I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
