I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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