I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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