we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
