its not stalking. its research.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
