Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
