Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
