He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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