I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can I color on your dick again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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