I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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