Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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