If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
