i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
