Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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