he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have fence marks all over my body
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
