I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
