would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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