Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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