If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
