I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
