Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i've created a new STD.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
