EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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