I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
