Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
