You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
