Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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