I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
