Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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