So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
