May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
