are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
