you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
