I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
