Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
