Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
