omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
