Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
