those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We have started to decorate penises.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
