Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
