the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
