walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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