I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
