Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
