hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
